waiting before waiting.

yeah...pretty much in limbo here. the little guys have arrived at the clinic, which is an exciting thing :), but i'm a bit up in the air about my O day this month. as i mentioned in my last post...i usually O around CD15 or 16. this month i've already had TWO positive OPKs, on CD9 and CD12. neither one was accompanied by egg-white CM or followed by a spike in temperature the next day. so i wonder...is this batch of OPKs defective? i hope not and think probably not....rather, is my body going absolutely crazy because a)it's the first month we're really trying and b)unrelated stresses affecting me? i have a hunch it's both.

we have had a ridiculous amount of unexpected stress this week. well, i guess first of all the crazy and oppressive heat and humidity of the past few weeks doesn't count as stress, but some other TTC-ing ladies have told me it could have an effect. then, starting out what should have been Fun-Anticipating-IUI-week, on monday we had a stressful day because our downstairs neighbor came upstairs at like 8:30 in the morning, pounded on the door, and then yelled at esther and demanded she go remove something from the shared compost container (we had thrown in chicken bones and apparently she doesn't like that). we've moved past that issue now, but only really because the rest of the week got even MORE stressful in comparison. esther started a new job (at the same place where i work on the weekends) and the first day was so dangerous (doing surveys with ex-prisoners in exceedingly sketchy neighborhoods) that we spent a whole day concerned for her safety, and then decided that we would both resign from the project. so stress upon stress upon stress.

i think we're moving through these situations to feel better, but i've still got a few remaining stresses to dwell on: like if this will affect my employment with them at all, and the fact that we were going to use esther's income to TTC. so if she doesn't find another job we won't be able to try again (at least not in the forseeable future). talk about getting all worked up and then not really being able to give it the old college try! this month is our only shot, for now....and so of course it becomes the month in which i have the craziest, most un-predictable cycle.

everyone on the TTC boards said this would happen in try #1...they were SO right :).