TTC #2, CD3.

I feel like I should update before I forget all my feelings about this cycle...

Probably obvious by now that we did NOT get pregnant this month. It was QUITE the whirlwind of emotions, thank you very much, and I am actually feeling much better now, but this weekend was hell on wheels.

I was planning to test on Friday morning, but as a good little trooper, I was still taking my temperature every day before getting up. Meaning that I took it Thursday night/Friday morning at about 3 am, because that’s what time I woke up to pee. Meaning that starting at 3 a.m., when I realized I wasn’t pregnant thanks to the colossal dip in temp, I was lying in bed quietly weeping. Esther woke up about 5 and I told her and we hugged, and I really did know it was all going to be alright (you just a mourning period, you know?). But I still couldn’t fall back asleep until about 7 am, which meant a nice half hour nap before getting up for work. Which is why esther convinced me to stay home from work Friday :)

it ended up being a fine day–we went out to our favorite restaurant for dinner (what up, amish country!!) and spent some time being peaceful at a park after dusk in elkhart. I much enjoyed it. But then on Saturday things went completely down the tubes again after I got an email from one of my bosses (I have various jobs) that made me feel completely deflated. Also, it guaranteed a cut in my hours at work, which also caused severe emotional distress as it made it seemingly impossible to try again this month. And we’ve only tried once! How can I get all geared up and chart for months and make plans and place orders and join forums and then only try ONCE??

The upshot (3 days later) is that things are settling down at work to a place where it looks like I’ll get my hours back (though I’m not sure if I want them yet, after the disagreeableness of the incident), esther’s spanish business is really taking off, and we know there are other options out there. Plus I ran the numbers assuming my hours would be cut and we can still afford to do this one more time :)

after that we really should stop or else I’m not going to have any time to save up for paying my taxes come the end of the year. Sad but true. I also think I won’t be quite as shattered this time if we get another BFN because a)it won’t be the first time and 2)it’s not the Absolute Last Vial of our favorite donor. Which last month’s was. But, as I said...I think we’re getting over it. Feeling better. WANTING to press ahead and NOT GIVE UP!!!

Because this really is something I want with my whole heart.

p.s. northwest is taking a few days to photo match esther to donors and i can't wait to see what they come up with!! either way i'm still leaning towards 599 because i truly love his essay :), but we shall see...

today.

12 dpi...
all my ‘symptoms’ that I was already questioning have completely disappeared (felt them from 3dpi through about 7 dpi, they were definitely there, but wasn’t sure if they were relevant at all)...
af could show up any day now (technically the earliest she’s ever shown up is CD29, which would be tomorrow, but I’m already on my guard)...
tested way earlier this week just because it was our anniversary and it was negative, though it would have been fairly early to get a positive, and I haven’t tested again yet....
and I’m actually getting to that place where I’m like, “just show up already!”

I read other ladies saying that on the boards over the past week and I didn’t believe it; I thought to myself, ‘you’re just saying that so you won’t keep having false hopes after a couple of BFNs, because while it is still POSSIBLE, time is ticking away and since it’s more likely that af will come, want it to just happen already.’ But now I’m starting to get it....you’re almost (ALmost) over the mourning period for this month already. That seems weird, because you don’t even know for sure that it didn’t work, but since you (slash I :) have been obsessing about it ALL DAY LONG for at least 12 days now (if not more), you’ve run through the gamut of emotions and truly feel like you’re ready to accept this month’s result and get to trying for next time. Plus you really do wish that if it’s not going to happen, that you can confirm that, because it’s this flimsy hope that really kills ya....

My plan is to test again Sunday morning (15dpi) if af doesn’t show up before then, and one last time weds morning if af doesn’t show up before then. The window of opportunity for af to normally show up in would be between tomorrow (Friday) and Tuesday. That’s a freaking annoyingly large window. But I kind of feel like I have some af symptoms already....drat. I guess the first sign I would (normally) see is a temp drop at one to two days before af....so that’s even more cheery–I’ll know it didn’t work at 5 in the morning while staring bleary-eyed at a thermometer with the light from my cell phone while dp sleeps beside me. I already know I won’t wake her up to tell her.

I got a box of FRERs Friday night when we were at the grocery store...just because. They say on the front that they can detect BFPs at six days before you were to get your period. That’s impressive, but not useful to me for 2 reasons: one, I have no idea when my period is going to come (I mean, I have SOME idea, but it’s not a small enough window to be useful for this–could be anytime between Friday 8/12 and Tuesday 8/16) and two: the more detailed directions inside the box specify that the test worked 6 days before their period for ...68% of women. It then goes on to say that it worked for 100% of pregnant women by FOUR days before. So waiting those extra 2 days seems a much safer bet.

I was SO tempted to use it today just because it is our anniversary (5 years since the religious ceremony in buenos aires :) and that would basically be the coolest anniversary present ever! And it is 9DPO, so theoretically, it is POSSIBLE to get a BFP at this stage. But, it’s also way more likely to get it at 11 or 13 or even 15DPO, so even without killing all hope, it’s likely that I would get a BFN today. And if I got one I wouldn’t especially feel like telling esther ("wake up, I have to tell you I’m not pregnant yet as far as we know!") and then when the actual day rolls around that we decide together to test, she’ll wonder why there is one test missing from the box.
So that’s my convoluted reasoning as to why I didn’t test today. SORELY tempted, though :)

6dpiui

well, in my last post i said i had no symptoms. like right now, 3 days later, i still have no 'real' symptoms, but as time goes on and this is all i can obsess about :), i start to wonder if some things might count...

i've had a SLIGHT bloated feeling, kind of like feeling "full" in the uterine/ovarial region (i just made up the phrase, i'm pretty sure :) for a few days now. they aren't cramps, it isn't nausea, it isn't even really pains. it just feels kindof like you're full after thanksgiving, but all the time (not just after i eat).

also (TMI) i've been burping more than usual. gross, right? however, the other logical explanation for this is that we've essentially gone off the diet since IUI, meaning i'm eating way more carbs than normal. this could totally be the cause of extra burps :)

another weird thing--i've been having (except for one single day) essentially the same exact BBT ever day since IUI. i have no idea what this means; likely nothing. i googled it a little bit and didn't really find anything. it just stood out to me because my temps are ALWAYS up and down noticeably, and having 97.08, 97.05, 97.06, 97.06 is really odd for me. so something is different, whether it's a sticky bean or not that's causing it is the question.

and final dubitable symptom for today's list: today esther was downtown and we met up for lunch. when we walked past daley plaza, there was a group of ecuadorian dancers performing and we stopped a while to watch. when they were done, they sent up a little group of tiny children to try the same dance...there were about 10 of them, all like 3 feet tall and under :), dressed in traditional outfits and wandering around the stage semi-rhythmically:), and for some reason...both esther and i started crying! weirdest thing. i admit i'm an easy crier, but even this was unusual for me. and clearly esther isn't pregnant, but borrowing a page from the Book of Really Grasping at Straws, if i was pregnant maybe my hormones could be affecting her too? the thing is, she's REALLY not a crier. and we weren't even standing together (she had gone closer to get pictures) so it's not like we saw each other crying and influenced each other.

so anyway. i'm pretty sure none of these really count as symptoms still :), but i wanted to jot them down for posterity's sake just in case.

p.s. have i mentioned i want this sticky bean already?!?!?!

Everyone ALWAYS says to not read the TTC forums while you’re in the 2ww. I’m sure they’re right, it totally makes sense that it would only make me crazier to read about possible symptoms, people getting BFPs, people having m/cs at 14 weeks, etc...but of course that’s all I’m doing all day long! I’m obsessed! It’s just that, when this is all I want to think about, I love reading about other people doing the same.

I’ve also been doing some perusing, though less, of sperm bank websites in case we need to try again next month*, to pick the next donor. When I ordered last month for this, our first try ever, I knew our preferred donor had an extremely limited supply...but I didn’t bank on him being completely gone within 2.5 weeks of my first order! And he’s not on nw’s site anymore. I’m toying with the idea of emailing them just to confirm he’s really gone, but how batty will they think I am? I just honestly didn’t think anyone else was interested in him since I’ve been prowling donor catalogs for many moons now and saw him on there, listed as “limited supply” every single time. Y bueno....

So my first desire is to go with someone else who has a similar ethnic background to him, but I haven’t had much luck with that. The only other ones I’ve found have been 1)on other banks, meaning they’re crazy more expensive, and 2)not completely of that ethnicity–like, only 1/3 or 1/4 or something. (Yes, really 1/3. I don’t know how that works exactly, but maybe it’s a least common denominator or something...). One I saw today was even “1/64" of the ethnicity we’re looking for. Seriously? What IS that, even? Why even bother putting that? (Seriously–what is 1/64? It’s six generations back, if I’m doing my math correctly, right? So dude’s great-great-great-great-grandmother or -father was of this race. We’re talking someone who was born in approximately 18-oh-something. Literally over two centuries ago. Wow....yeah, not impressed.)

(As I was just trying to figure that out I did the calculations using estimates based on birth years for my mom and grammaw [my grammaw’s birth year I only ever remember because she was born in the year of the titanic disaster :)] and realized my grammaw was 37 years old when she had my mom. In 1949! I could be wrong, but I’m thinking that was a quite advanced age for that time period. It’s getting up there even now. Heck, I’m 32 and already staring straight into the face of statistics like “after 30, your chance of getting pregnant with normal hetero BD goes down to 10-15%” or something horrible like that. So anyway, my point is that I will now take this as a good sign–apparently the women of my family are fertile. Now, I have no idea what other reproductive endeavors my grammaw attempted (mom is an only child), and I know my own mom had at least a couple m/cs. But I’m going to not dwell on those things, and instead will just visualize grammaw esther’s 37-year-old ovum barging out of her ovary one cold pittsburgh day in late November, 1948, with a baby on its mind and its arms wide open for the swimmers. So to speak. Actually, it was likely around thanksgiving (mom’s b-day is 8/27) so maybe it also had cranberry sauce on its mind. But I digress.)

*regarding thinking ahead to next month. I’m not doing it out of negativity about this month, I swear! It’s actually a positive thing for me, because this month didn’t go exactly as planned (when does it ever?) and to avoid feeling stressed out because this is our ONLY CHANCE EVAR, I like to think about next month just to remind myself that we’re still in the game. Also because of a recent financial shakeup, I actually did think this past cycle was going to be the only shot, but I ran the numbers again yesterday and it turns out we can try once more this year. So there, capitalism! :P

and in regards to this month’s feelings...I mean heck, I’m only at 3dpi! Literally anything could happen still. Well, not really...that is one of the main frustrations, I guess, the fact that ‘anything’ already DID happen, or failed to happen, and that’s it. It’s not like I can send any positive vibes or eat something fertile-y or follow some other piece of TTC advice at this point and it would make any difference....this past weekend was D-day and the attack on the beach is long over with, the allied forces come and gone (let’s see if I can let go of the military metaphor already, geez!)...I just won’t know who WON for another 10 days or so! That’s the annoying part. Clearly this is not an original thought; I’m sure gajillions of women have had this same frustration that we can’t find out if the deed is done or not until two weeks afterwards...I guess it’s kind of like how the star betelgeuse is 643 light years away (give or take 146 light years), so if it were to blow up, we wouldn’t know until 643 years later. Meaning, it could have ALREADY blown up, in 1492 or 1776 or yesterday, and we just don’t know about it yet, or it could happen tomorrow and earth wouldn’t find out until someone who is 1/67,108,864th me was staring up into the night sky. Same basic principle here. Whatever happened at my not-quite IUIs...happened. Y ya esta. I just am waiting for my pony express telegram to get here to fill me in.

So in the meantime, I’m interestingly going back and forth. I’m not crazy excited or completely depressed (yet...check with me at 11dpi!), so I wouldn’t say I’m awash in emotions yet, but I’ve been fairly regularly going back and forth between expecting positive and negative outcomes. Like, half the time I think about it and I’m like, this could really happen! There is absolutely every chance in the universe that it did! And then the other half of the time I’m thinking it’s totally normal for it not to work, there’s not a huge chance of it, I would be quite flabbergasted if it works. And with each extreme my thoughts swing to, I totally believe it. I am completely convinced that I’m not pregnant. And then I’m completely convinced that I totally could be.

It’s not even worth saying that I don’t have any symptoms at 3dpi. But in case you were wondering, I don’t. Also, some women get preggers without ever having any. See what I mean? Back and forth.....

this is from today :)

hello all! just had my VERY first IUI ever this morning and feeling good vibes :). we did it at the chicago women's health center and i was completely blown away by their gentleness, the way she explained everything, the way she reassured us at every turn, the seeing of the swimmers under the microscope (**), and the options she gave us (do i want to see my cervix in a mirror? does DW want to push the plunger? etc). i cannot recommend them more!

which brings me to my one question. i was supposed to get an IUI, but apparently, because of my cervix being not quite cooperative, the cannula (is that how you spell that?) could only get about 75% of the way through it into the entrance to the uterus. i'm probably not using the right words for the parts, but you know what i mean? sarah (our health worker) tried with a few different speculums, with lubricant and without, a million different angles, and even without a speculum at the end, but she said she just couldn't get it all the way in there. she said quite clearly "this is NOT a failed insemination" and i wasn't really thinking that anyway, as there are still a whole lot of little guys up in there (like, millions!) but clearly it didn't get exactly where it was supposed to. sarah said this part you just can't really control--that you can visualize the cervix, you can get it in the entrance, but then threading it through, like, the 'bottleneck' all the way into the actual uterus, you can't control. you just have to keep trying and get it as far as you can.

has anyone else had an experience like this? i'm starting to think now maybe it was because i was still at the very first part of my fertile period and my cervix wasn't quite all the way open, and we're doing another one tomorrow so we'll see then if it's any easier, but i wouldn't mind being reassured now also, in case anyone has any good related stories :)

can i officially say i'm in the 2ww now? :)

**seeing the little spermies was kind of crazy for many reasons. first, this really is a WEIRD thing, that there are millions of those little guys INSIDE me right now?? not exactly a common experience for me :). but the coolest thing was just that they looked exactly the way you expect them to from seeing them on t.v. from seeing them in the beginning montages of "look who's talking" and "for keeps". that's so weird! in general i don't trust anything i see on t.v. or movies :), and in this case it's even cooler because it's so very, very personal to me. hi you guys!!

this is from yesterday*

*which i specify to distinguish it from the other ramblings i'm about to post, about today :)

hey y'all, again :) i'm the one that posted last week freaking out about a (possibly) early ovulation when my swimmers hadn't yet made it to my hometown. well that actually happened to me AGAIN a few days later (another positive OPK at what seemed like too early a CDday). i think now that both of those were flukes (or caused by my body stressing out) but not actual ovulation because they weren't accompanied by fertile CM or followed by a rise in temperature.

the upshot being is that my swimmers arrived on wednesday and now we are waiting to use them, which was projected to happen this weekend. and even though all my stress and confusion and worry, my body appears to be coming through brilliantly--today i FINALLY got egg white CM and am so happy :). and when i say "FINALLY" i mean it seems like i was waiting forever, but in actual fact this is about exactly the same day i get egg white every month, so even though my brain is flipping out, my ovaries are not :). i'm so proud of it!, and actually did a happy 'egg-white' dance here in the office bathroom, and walked out with a grin beaming off my face. i should have just trusted my body to begin with!

anyways just wanted to share my contentment. now let's see if this works....

waiting before waiting.

yeah...pretty much in limbo here. the little guys have arrived at the clinic, which is an exciting thing :), but i'm a bit up in the air about my O day this month. as i mentioned in my last post...i usually O around CD15 or 16. this month i've already had TWO positive OPKs, on CD9 and CD12. neither one was accompanied by egg-white CM or followed by a spike in temperature the next day. so i wonder...is this batch of OPKs defective? i hope not and think probably not....rather, is my body going absolutely crazy because a)it's the first month we're really trying and b)unrelated stresses affecting me? i have a hunch it's both.

we have had a ridiculous amount of unexpected stress this week. well, i guess first of all the crazy and oppressive heat and humidity of the past few weeks doesn't count as stress, but some other TTC-ing ladies have told me it could have an effect. then, starting out what should have been Fun-Anticipating-IUI-week, on monday we had a stressful day because our downstairs neighbor came upstairs at like 8:30 in the morning, pounded on the door, and then yelled at esther and demanded she go remove something from the shared compost container (we had thrown in chicken bones and apparently she doesn't like that). we've moved past that issue now, but only really because the rest of the week got even MORE stressful in comparison. esther started a new job (at the same place where i work on the weekends) and the first day was so dangerous (doing surveys with ex-prisoners in exceedingly sketchy neighborhoods) that we spent a whole day concerned for her safety, and then decided that we would both resign from the project. so stress upon stress upon stress.

i think we're moving through these situations to feel better, but i've still got a few remaining stresses to dwell on: like if this will affect my employment with them at all, and the fact that we were going to use esther's income to TTC. so if she doesn't find another job we won't be able to try again (at least not in the forseeable future). talk about getting all worked up and then not really being able to give it the old college try! this month is our only shot, for now....and so of course it becomes the month in which i have the craziest, most un-predictable cycle.

everyone on the TTC boards said this would happen in try #1...they were SO right :).

um. what???

this month i was so excited because i placed my very first order ever for swimmers...to arrive around CD13, as my clinic recommended, because i always O around CD16 (and never earlier than CD15). what this means in practical terms is that the little guys haven't even LEFT spokane yet on their journey to me in chicago, and aren't supposed to even arrive until weds. which means of course, today, saturday, i get a positive OPK. (they're smileys, so it's not even possible that i'm interpreting it wrong).

ok. so how is this possible? we're on CD NINE here! like i said, i have never O'd before CD15 and it usually happens CD16 or 17. so what's the deal?

this happened once before, many moons ago, i think the first month i was starting to learn how to chart. at the time i had no idea about my cycle, so when i got a positive at CD11, i figured that was it and stopped testing. but then, like a week later (maybe CD16 or 17?) i suddenly had VERY fertile CM, so when i got home from work that day i tested again and boom, another positive.

somebody tell me this is normal, and that it's possible to have 2 LH surges in a month (or malfunctioning OPKs??)...and while you're at it, tell me that i still have a chance to IUI this month???

here we go!!!

crazyness!

today i am running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to order sperm. yes, that’s right people, we're taking that final step over and actually starting TTC!!! last time i wrote the big news was that we had our appt for our consult at the CWHC. we went wednesday night, totally loved the groove of the place (hippy feminists....yum...), and got the OK to go ahead at my next ovulation. there were some things i wasn’t excited about–number one, they charge a $100 fee if you "take a month off" so my plan for doing it every other month suddenly was going to cost us. and secondly, they had this rule in place when they started out that since both the inseminating community (is that a phrase??) in chicago and the donor pool from midwest sperm bank (the one most of their clients use) is so small, they did not allow more than one pregnancy from any particular donor. they don’t have this rule anymore since both groups of people have grown exponentially and geographically, but it’s still in place for the people who conceived during that time–and one of them used my argentine :( (apparently he DID come back!).

so these were slightly annoying issues, but i think we’ve gotten past both of them. i ran the numbers last night and discovered we can afford to do three months in a row if we take a couple months off after that to recover, save for taxes, etc., so we won’t need to skip every other month. this is a good thing so as to not throw away $100 on the "not-this-time" fee, but also coincides with their general practice to change things up (i.e. rethink things, pick another donor, whatever) if no pregnancy after 3 tries. so we’re going to go july, august, september, and then stop for the rest of the year (and october, november and december ought to be enough of a break to save up for taxes AND to pay for the new mac computer we got a couple of weeks ago :), plus there is no fee if you take off 3 months or more. actually we were going to go august, skip september (because I was going to be o’ing RIGHT during our labor day trip to pittsburgh), then try again october and november, but...just this morning i got my period! about 3 days early!! so that means everything moves up a bit and it’s completely likely that i’ll O in late august before we leave for labor day weekend. whoo!

and regarding donors. we love Mr. 290 over at northwest, but we really didn’t love anyone else quite as much (and of course, he’s limited supply...why am I not surprised!!!). But, emily (the health worker we consulted with at CWHC) said we really should have at least 3 choices, and of course she’s right. i was really resistent to this mostly based on racial and ethnic characteristics–i don’t have any desire to bring another lilly white baby into the world, and that seems like all there is in the Donor Universe. no offense, i love many white babies (jack and charlotte, holla!) and i’m sure that i’m going to be passionately in love with whatever baby comes out of me, but that’s just my gut feeling right now. i want to have a baby who maybe sort of could look related to esther too, and while she isn’t particularly dark-skinned, she is certainly more so than i am.
so to this end, we were looking for south american donors, or in the absense of that, native american (the country where esther is from in south america is completely and totally mixed as to european background with the indigenous peoples from the area, so she feels a great connection to native american ethnicities as well). in all the banks we looked at (and i looked at ALL of them out of morbid curiosity, even though i knew the only ones we could afford were midwest or northwest) we found only ONE south american--the argentine i can’t use :(-- and one fully native american person (Mr. 290!!). northwest has other donors who are PARTIALLY native american, but they’re also partially irish, dutch, german, polish and croatian, and have blond hair and blue eyes. no gracias! (man, i am going to regret this post if i have a blond kid and they read this someday. honey, i totally love you the way you are! mommies just have weird thought patterns sometimes :)).

so anyway, that’s why we’re fixated on 290. but since we have to have at least 3 in our list, we were going to go through nw’s list again and try to squeeze someone out of it. i think we were planning on doing that this weekend...so of course my period comes today! and as we were instructed to call and place our order on CD1, we need to have our donors picked out NOW. so this morning while i ate breakfast and got dressed, esther scoured the webpage again. we FINALLY found someone listed as "hispanic", which is less than ideal because that is awfully vague, but he at least is darker-skinned and had black hair, so he went on the list. but then we were at an impasse. it seemed like literally every other single donor on there was either german or norwegian! as i rushed around so as to not miss my bus, we fretted and stewed... i remembered one other one i had seen, who had some native american (along with like, german, polish, estonian, irish, who knows what else) but also had medium complexion and dark hair, so maybe him....until esther looked at his details and saw that he has allergies to pollen, grass, etc. i mean, obviously that is not the end of the world and totally possibly would not even get passed down to the bubbala, but it has the potential to be awfully annoying for the entire life-span of this new little person. so maybe not. and finally as i was about to leave, esther called out "here’s one that’s german, polish and korean" and i honestly thought she was joking. we’d already decided to try and avoid german, and i think i just assumed asian backgrounds were not being considered because of the starkly obvious way the baby would not look like either one of us, but she was serious! i came over to the bed to see her face as she confirmed this. Mr. 599 had medium complexion and dark hair, which would be more like her (and green eyes, which is like neither of us but still awesome :), studied music history in school (again, not like us, but cool :), and if you consider the korean to be only a third of his background (whatever that means) and mix it with me, in the end he’ll just maybe look ‘slightly exotic’ (my words :) which is absolutely totally fine. and then on the way to work i read his answers to the essays questions and actually liked them A LOT. those things are more often than not disappointing–either the person can’t spell worth crap, or they say things that just kind of make you cringe inwardly ("your baby will be beautiful because my genes are awesome") (come to think of it, i think the argentine actually said that!). but this one, while, yes, pointing out the good things about himself, was also well-written, thoughtful, and reminded me a bit of my writing style. so now i actually really like him a lot :)

this morning i’ve been super nervous about these phone calls i had to sneak to make while my boss drifts around the office (to CWHC to let them know AF is here and see if we’re good to go, to NW to give them credit card info, etc). i talked to CWHC and all is ok (yay!!!); cheryl told me that with NW i actually have to place the order myself but can have it sent to their office, and that i should have it sent to them by CD13 (which is july 27). but then when i called NW they said everything looked fine, but they needed to send me a final confirmation email that will explain how to order and he would send it right over...and of course it’s 2 hours later now and nothing! i’m so nervous....i told him what date i needed it by and he said that was absolutely no problem, so if for some reason i can’t order until tomorrow (or monday?) there likely would be no problem. but i want to do it now! i want to be able to text esther (as she sits at home working on the final draft of a 20-page paper due today :) and say "i just bought spermies!!!!" or something along those lines. checking my email again....nothing! i think i'm going to give them another call.

*****

score! i called them and they shot the email over right away. so now i'm good to go, i started to place the order...and my first question is, how many vials are there exactly of 290? turns out there are FOUR. FOUR!!! not even enough to try for 3 months, much less to save some for a future sibling. i knew he was limited supply, but i was hoping he'd be like 8 or 10. four is almost non-existent. and speaking of limited supply, i either forgot or didn't notice this on their princing info*, but when they are limited supply, they are more expensive! i can't remember if there is a reason behind that, but the bottom line is that he costs $350 per vial rather than $275 (well, $249, but all their prices go up to $275 on august 1). so is he worth it? i think so, it's only $150 per month to get our absolute first choice...but here's hoping his little guys can do it in the next two months. and where are all the native american donors, people?? step up!

anyway i sent an email to esther with these details to see what she thinks before i call them back to finalize the order....just got her reply, she agrees with me! so here we go, at least the first try will be with Mr. 290, keeping my fingers crossed that no one else will buy him before the end of august just in case i need him again....

JUST ORDERED MY FIRST IUI EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now nothing at all is going to happen until i O in about 2 weeks.....que locura!!!!!

*by the way, i can't check the NW website while i'm here at work because-get read for this-it's BLOCKED by some program they have installed on the computers because it's "Forbidden Topic-Sex Education." that is maybe the weirdest thing i ever heard. never mind that i can look at the websites of lots of other sperm banks. never mind that i also can't see xkcd because it's "Forbidden Topic-Adult/Mature Themes" (what???). weird bosses, weird job, weird internet :)