so we haven't really considered using a KD much at all, for various reasons. frankly we don't know many men that we feel that close to, or respected enough to ask them to take on that role, etc. also, DP is hesitant because she's quite nervous that someday the dad would try and get custody. so we kind of danced around the idea a bit when having those "what are ALL our options" conversations but nothing beyond that.
meanwhile, recently we've been having TONS of unexpected expenses that have completely decimated our savings and any plans we have of TTC further, and after this month (for which we had already purchased the swim team) we were going to be forced to take an indefinite break of at least a year. this has been bumming me out significantly for the past month or so.
so this morning...i got a surprise email from some new friends of ours--the wife of the couple is a student with DP at seminary, and they came to our civil union earlier this year and are just generally cool, fun and wacky liberal people: they live in a co-op with like twenty other people, combined their last names when they got married--like, squished them together to form a new one, not combined them with a hyphen--and just recently they hosted a fundraiser for the homeless shelter where the husband works (he's a pastor) at a transgender bar. yeah....liberal : )
DP and the wife have been getting to be closer friends, and her first reaction this morning when we got the email is that maybe it's something we COULD think about (instead of just saying no like we had been previously to the idea of KD). i just think, no matter if we end up doing this or not, that it was such a sweet offer and really shows they are thinking of us and supporting us. but more than that, it totally opens up the possibility of continuing to try when i thought october was our absolute last shot!!! i'm not getting any younger : ), and the idea of having to wait a whole nother year just to TRY was quite depressing. and then this email shows up out of nowhere!!
plus, keeping in track with the post yesterday about gingers, the husband is a TOTAL red-head : ). love it!
5 comments:
I just wanted to say that we used a known donor and I was able to do second-parent adoption once our son #1 was born, so there is no worry about the KD trying to get custody after that point. I do recommend putting together a donation agreement with a lawyer to protect you as much as possible, and then getting the consent for second parent adoption signed (can happen before birth)... all of that helps you feel safer until the adoption is finally made final!
hi guinevere, thanks for your comment! that second parent adoption is definitely something we want to get to in the future, though it may take some time to save up for it. we did just get our civil union here in IL, so DP will be on the birth certificate, but that will only help us IN IL, unfortunately. but i'm definitely going to look into the donation agreement if we decide to go that way...
Note that the adoption costs (ALL of them) are actually given back to you as a tax credit... so while you do need to scrape up the cash to pay the expenses at the time, you'll get the entirety back the next year. Absolutely EVERYTHING is included in that, including mileage/gas and parking for adoption-related purposes.
The second parent adoption really is totally irrevocable and involves the donor relinquishing his consent completely, so it's worth doing even if your DP gets on the birth certificate (we will be able to do that for this child I'm expecting any day, as well).
ooh, that is actually really good to know. i'm going to start researching that too, then...more ways to waste time on the internet while at work :)
Good luck! The tax thing is a federal thing that the IRS has in place, and second-parent adoptions definitely do count. Just save ALL your receipts and log ALL of your expenses as you go through the process.
(And if the cash thing is an obstacle, you could try to time the adoption so that it is finalized just at the end of the tax year, and possibly put the balance of your legal fees on a 0% interest credit card temporarily if really need be. I don't think the 2nd parent adoption is something you should wait on!)
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