TTC #2, CD3.

I feel like I should update before I forget all my feelings about this cycle...

Probably obvious by now that we did NOT get pregnant this month. It was QUITE the whirlwind of emotions, thank you very much, and I am actually feeling much better now, but this weekend was hell on wheels.

I was planning to test on Friday morning, but as a good little trooper, I was still taking my temperature every day before getting up. Meaning that I took it Thursday night/Friday morning at about 3 am, because that’s what time I woke up to pee. Meaning that starting at 3 a.m., when I realized I wasn’t pregnant thanks to the colossal dip in temp, I was lying in bed quietly weeping. Esther woke up about 5 and I told her and we hugged, and I really did know it was all going to be alright (you just a mourning period, you know?). But I still couldn’t fall back asleep until about 7 am, which meant a nice half hour nap before getting up for work. Which is why esther convinced me to stay home from work Friday :)

it ended up being a fine day–we went out to our favorite restaurant for dinner (what up, amish country!!) and spent some time being peaceful at a park after dusk in elkhart. I much enjoyed it. But then on Saturday things went completely down the tubes again after I got an email from one of my bosses (I have various jobs) that made me feel completely deflated. Also, it guaranteed a cut in my hours at work, which also caused severe emotional distress as it made it seemingly impossible to try again this month. And we’ve only tried once! How can I get all geared up and chart for months and make plans and place orders and join forums and then only try ONCE??

The upshot (3 days later) is that things are settling down at work to a place where it looks like I’ll get my hours back (though I’m not sure if I want them yet, after the disagreeableness of the incident), esther’s spanish business is really taking off, and we know there are other options out there. Plus I ran the numbers assuming my hours would be cut and we can still afford to do this one more time :)

after that we really should stop or else I’m not going to have any time to save up for paying my taxes come the end of the year. Sad but true. I also think I won’t be quite as shattered this time if we get another BFN because a)it won’t be the first time and 2)it’s not the Absolute Last Vial of our favorite donor. Which last month’s was. But, as I said...I think we’re getting over it. Feeling better. WANTING to press ahead and NOT GIVE UP!!!

Because this really is something I want with my whole heart.

p.s. northwest is taking a few days to photo match esther to donors and i can't wait to see what they come up with!! either way i'm still leaning towards 599 because i truly love his essay :), but we shall see...